"It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures 'cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves." Ani Difranco
Frankly, part of me thinks some people get offended at almost anything. But that aside, lets discuss the term beauty for a moment.
"Beau·ty [byoo-tee] noun, plural beau·ties.
1. The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
2. A beautiful person, especially a woman.
3. A beautiful thing, as a work of art or a building.
4. Often, beauties. something that is beautiful in nature or in some natural or artificial environment.
5. An individually pleasing or beautiful quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting."
and in turn...
"beau·ti·ful [byoo-tuh-fuh l] adjective
1. Having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
2. Excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.
3. Wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying."
Why are these terms such a touchy subject? Honestly, what's wrong with thinking someone is beautiful, or, god forbid, thinking you yourself are beautiful? And if you are of the vein that believes the "most people are more beautiful than they think", what do you say to those who think we shouldn't be stressing the term or idea of beauty at all?
I agree that it's an important discussion, but I find myself bemused by the self image overload. As women we grow up with the deeply ingrained notion of beauty. Even if you have the upbringing of everyone is beautiful in their own way, you figure out pretty quick as teen that some girls are more "gifted" in the looks department than others. It's just a fact. And beauty is subjective, each generation and each person has their own terms and definitions of what is beautiful.
I never thought of myself as "beautiful." I never thought of myself as "ugly" either. I have decent attributes, and always thought I was at least average in the looks department if not a bit better than average. And some days are definitely better than others. Hell some days I think I look down right gorgeous, but those are rarer occasions. My main issue with self reflection is photos. I can't even count the times I look in the mirror and think, "I look really good!" and then someone takes a photo of me and I look awful. What the heck happened between the mirror and the lens? In college I came across the above Ani Difranco quote and adopted it as my mantra.
The best thing I can stress is positive thinking. Negative thinking only brings misery, but positive thoughts eventually spread, and can not only help your own personal well being, but that of those around you.
I will never forget the assessment I got from a guy a dated. I'll preface it by saying that not being attracted to someone is a legitimate reason to end a relationship. However, there is no need to go into detail as to what you find unattractive.
“ your personality is great, and i really love talking to you- but the truth was, it was physical- I'm not attracted to you- something about your face (kind of that north mountain not by the ocean but still by the water look) just turned me off- and you didn't have the body to make up for that deficit . which is kind of important in a relationship. i thought since really liked your personality that it would make up for it.... but when im honest with myself, it didn't”
My reaction, once shock wore off, was laughter. I couldn't stop laughing for days. "north mountain not by the ocean but still by the water look" What is that exactly??
Not to sound vain, but I had never gotten the "at least you have a nice personality" speech before or since.
This so called "relationship" end shortly before I ended up dating the man who later became my husband. My husband adores me. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am. And you know what? It's a wonderful feeling.
So, superficial or not, I put it to you, what is so wrong with the term "beautiful," really?
Further enlightening reading I stumbled across today here:
There is nothing wrong with the word itself. The connotations that go with it in my mind are uncomfortable at best, though. I can go from feeling great to painfully self-conscious at the drop of a compliment. The intent of the speaker may be loving, but I wish they wouldn't. I'm so much happier when I'm not thinking about my looks.
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